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Post by Rose Ameile Lupin on Aug 29, 2018 16:43:41 GMT
That following week, a certain brother of a certain sister would find her sitting in their spot on the lawns, head bent over a book, looking rather cooled off by now. But while she was indeed cooled off, it was obvious her mental state was not as solid as it normally was. Given her dishevelled appearance, when she was usually prim and put together, almost regal; and the red puffy eyes and dark bags under them.
She didn't know why she came here, but it had been instinctual. Her feet just carried her here and by the time she realized it, she had already made herself comfortable and began to read.
She had completely avoided her brother up until now and yes, that means she did skip his classes. At this point, the detention was worth not having to look at him, to have her heart break all over again. Picking up the pieces was a hard task. Especially since their relationship was as fragile as it was. She hadn't wanted to admit it, thinking they would just get through it, but the cold hard fact remained: he had, in a way, abandoned her for many years. Blaming it on being "busy" with the order.
She had known the real reason, he had been pushing people away because he didn't want connections. And that had hurt her deeply. Having to resort to getting news off of Sirius had been pitiful.
But yet, she had forgiven it, looked past it, willing to give him another chance.
And now he's blown it. Sky high. Botched it.
There was crunching in the grass, and the words she spoke were cold.
"If the first words out of your mouth are not some form of an apology, you can fuck right off, Remus."
She was having none of it.
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Post by Remus John Lupin on Aug 30, 2018 1:57:19 GMT
i will break the spell you put on me | everywhere i go, i am spellbound; you cannot have this control on me | 445 words  commentary | Remus knew he had screwed up the instant he had done it. Normally he was the one who thought things through – but he had just lost it when he saw his little sister kissing Snape. He said he would try to accept it and he would do what he could to make her happy it was just – it was just too much for him in that moment, not to mention the fact the man had just broken his ankles… okay yes, he had egged him on by challenging him to the duel with few rules, but regardless, they had both gone too far at that point. But after that, after Dumbledore had left, after seen her lips against his lips, he had just lost it and both people in the room had given him a talking to.
He wasn’t sure where he would find her, though luckily, he was mostly healed up, though his ankles were still very sore, and his face was scabbed up instead of scarred up like most cuts would be at this point. Dark magic tended to do that to you. However, he had the great idea to go to the lawn – remembering that time after the moon when they both had ended up at the same place. He had usually gone there to think – perhaps she would do the same. If not, he could think there.
So, when he approached and saw a figure in that spot, his heart was racing. Just remember what you rehearsed Remus. He knew she could hear him approach, but when her sharp words came, he winced slightly and stopped in his tracks.
“Rose I –“ He paused for a moment, his heart pounding so hard he could feel it in his head, his hands were shaking, and he felt like he was going to be sick. He knew he had to hang in there, and he pushed on. He swallowed thickly. “I’m sorry, Rose. I really am. I won’t – I won’t offer up any excuse because there isn’t one. I sent Severus a note earlier apologizing to him as well, seeing as I’m not supposed to be going to the dungeons at all.”
He paused for a moment, his voice shaking, and his hands firmly held against his chest to stop them from shaking. “I know that – that you won’t forgive me for it. And that’s okay, I just – I just wanted you to know that I am sorry. I acted rashly and stupidly. I didn’t think. I’ll…” He looked behind him nervously as if worried someone was following him. “I’ll leave you alone, if you want. I’ll… see you in class I guess.”
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Post by Rose Ameile Lupin on Aug 30, 2018 2:12:51 GMT
"Sit," the word was tired. "I'm angry, not heartless."
She waited for him to make himself comfortable next to her before pressing herself into his side, his arm over her shoulders.
"I would give you a tongue lashing, but I think Tonks did well enough for me. And you're here and not running, for once, so, that's enough for me.
I also want to apologize. Because, in a way, I was acting childish. I knew you were uncomfortable with it, but I pushed you. But I was so desperate to have you see that it wasn't some game or plot - or I was being bewitched; that I acted without thinking.
Dumbledore arriving in the fashion he did though sent me off kilter as well."
She sighed, taking his hand in hers. "What can I do to assuage your fears that if this progresses, that I won't just disappear?"
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Post by Remus John Lupin on Aug 31, 2018 1:40:54 GMT
i will break the spell you put on me | everywhere i go, i am spellbound; you cannot have this control on me | 300 words commentary | Remus bit his lower lip and slowly took a seat next to her. He allowed her to maneuver her way into the position she wanted, his arm over her shoulder and her leaning up against him. He missed this. This closeness. He listened to her words, wanting to tell her she didn’t need to apologize, but deciding he would allow it to slide this one time. It was going to be alright.
“I really don’t know, Rose,” Remus replied with a sigh, his eyes drifting towards the horizon, squeezing her hand slightly. “It’s my own problem that I need to work on. It’s not your fault. I – I’m just afraid he’ll hurt you – or that he’s replacing his obsession with Lily with you. Or – What if he’s still actually working for You-Know-Who? And he’s pulled the wool over our eyes? I mean – I trust Dumbledore, and I know his judgement is good, it’s just that… everyone can make mistakes, right? I’ve seen nothing from him to show he’s changed – he’s a bully to his students, constantly favors his house over others, and overall, at least from what I’ve been able to see, he’s just a mean person.”
Remus sighed and closed his eyes lightly. “That isn’t to say he isn’t a changed man. I’m sure he’s kind to you – he even gave me a talking to after what happened. Even if he is definitely on our side, what if he drags you into the danger of the war? He’s a soldier just like the rest of us. It won’t be easy – he could die as well and leave you that way. If I were to die, you still would have a part of your family. If you were to lose someone you loved... in that way? There’s no replacing that.”
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Gryffindor
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Post by Rose Ameile Lupin on Aug 31, 2018 1:58:37 GMT
Her lips quirked into a smile, "again, you're forgetting I proposed this to him. This is me chasing after him. Not the other way around."
She chuckled, "don't you think I accounted for those things? Especially the Lily thing? But as far as showing you he's changed? Did you even give him the chance? From the moment you heard of my entanglement with him, you've been on the defensive. And I'd like to remind you, you haven't been here for the last six year. You haven't seen what I've seen, either.
He hasn't bullied a student since I reprimanded him for it back in my first year. And sure, he favours his Slytherins, so yes, he does have a fault in his even-handedness when dealing with students.
Perhaps you should consider you haven't seen these things, because you don't want to see them and you want to keep thinking he's the bad guy?"
She smiles at him, "if I'm drug in, so be it. I would rather be at his side, than hiding away. I'm not one for sitting down and doing nothing, Remus. I've stayed out of the Order, on your request, yes; but I'm not sure if that sort of thing will stand for long."
She gave a heavy sigh, "I would rather love and lost than never loved at all."
She looks at him, "anyone's death is going to be painful. I worry and fret over it every day about you, Sirius, James, Lily, Harry. And now Severus had been added to the mix. And there isn't any replacing it I know. But, I want to take that risk. I'm tired of hiding and living... 'safe'."
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Post by Remus John Lupin on Sept 10, 2018 3:32:34 GMT
i will break the spell you put on me | everywhere i go, i am spellbound; you cannot have this control on me | 478 words commentary | Yeah, he wasn’t sure how she could find him attractive at all. He was mean. He was pigheaded. He was judgmental. He was dangero- That sounded an awful lot like himself… No, Remus, that’s not how it is. Yes, sometimes people went for those who were like their parents – its was just a psychological thing that happened from time to time, but you aren’t her father. Plus, why are you comparing yourself to Snape? He was a vindictive, sneaky, cruel little man. Wait, Remus, stop that. She did have a point when it came to the way you judged him…
“I know I haven’t been around for the last six years… I know that – but I’ve heard plenty of things from others who have been here. You haven’t accounted for everything – there’s things you don’t know. But… on the same coin, there’s things I don’t know either.” He took in a deep breath, leaning against her as they sat. “I want to – to be happy with this, I just – I don’t think I can right away – just… I need some time. I watch him, and I keep seeing just the negative things. I see how he looks at the non-Slytherins and I just see someone who – who is plotting up ways to sabotage them. But I know that’s part of my imagination. I assume he treats his students in general equally – he’s not one to allow anyone, even those he prefers, to slip when it comes to something important to him.”
Remus clenches a fist and then relaxes it, taking her hands into his and squeezing them gently. “He’s always been a bit uptight about that. I remember watching one when we were younger – he was tutoring Lily in potions, third year. I sat on the other side of the bookshelves in the library – I – Well I was hoping to learn something too, but I knew if I asked him he’d say no given who I was friends with. He didn’t go easy on her.” He chuckled softly to himself. “To be perfectly fair, I never thought he was a terrible person. Misguided perhaps, and honestly, I feel like we could have gotten along if things were different. Maybe things would’ve turned out better if I was kinder to him.”
Remus looked up at the sun for a moment and then laid his head against hers gently with a small smile. “Yes, well, me? If I died, you’d still have Amelie and Father. Sirius? You’d still have James, and Lily, and even Harry – and Peter too. Any combination of that. It’s not the same, I know, but those relationships aren’t… unique. You have more than me as family. You have more that Sirius and James and Lily as family friends – basically family as it is. You – well normally at least – only have one person you consider a… lover.”
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Post by Rose Ameile Lupin on Sept 10, 2018 4:28:02 GMT
She smiled as he leaned on her, finding the feeling of his weight against her familiar and comforting. She wondered if this was a pack thing... and instantly had to resist running her nose against his head and snuffing.
Weird.
"Sure, I can't see everything, but from what I do see, I trust him to be the same as he is when I am around him. That's, you know, how relationships work. Trust. I don't feel the need to stalk him around the castle to make sure he's not terrorizing students. Plus, he has to keep up most of his facade around here. If Slytherin's got wind of him acting weird... well, you know who most of their parents are."
She levelled him with a look.
"I'm not... well, okay, you being happy for me would be great, but I know that's pushing it. And I'll give you all the time you need, but you need to be respectful too and no more of these challenging him to duels just because you think he's stealing me away."
She nodded, "he really does have a more level hand than he used to. He just likes to glare alot, Moony. He doesn't like to be bothered."
Unless it's me, heh.
"He doesn't go easy on me either. Actually, I'd be in deep trouble if I let this affect my studies at all. He doesn't like that all the other professors have been giving me leeway so easily. Just because... they think I won't need the test scores or.. whatever."
She hesitates a moment before continuing. "He.. he really pushes me to be my best. No, better than my best. He wants me to succeed, even when the world is telling me no."
She cleared her throat, looking shy. "Maybe. But, that's kind of a scary thought, the two of you friends."
During his next words, she found herself staring hard at their hands, trying to fight the tears that threatened to spill, but she lost the battle with a shuddering breath.
"I... I get that, but..." she hiccuped, her hands tightening on his. "But, you're Moony. There's only one Moony. And... I'd be terribly torn up if you..."
She couldn't even say the words much less fathom them. Her throat was tight as she attempted to continue, but she found the words wouldn't come, too distraught at the thought of him...
Dead.
She turned, pressing her face into his robes, her shoulders shaking in silent sobs.
Sure, Severus was precious to her. Precious and new, but... Moony... Moony was her brother. He'd been there first, and sure, their relationship was rocky right now, but the thought of him just not... not being there.
That really got to her.
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Post by Remus John Lupin on Sept 12, 2018 23:59:19 GMT
i will break the spell you put on me | everywhere i go, i am spellbound; you cannot have this control on me | 602 words commentary | He raises a hand as if he were swearing in court. “On my honor, I won’t challenge him to a duel for that reason. Unless he does something inappropriate and then I kill him.” He chuckled, his face brightening up a little bit, his eyes scrunching together with the smile.
He decided to drop the ‘you don’t know everything’ bit because… well Amelie had told him not to tell her about it. For one who knew about it, it would be obvious he was hinting at it, but she was completely in the dark. He trusted Severus only because Dumbledore trusted him. And he trusted Dumbledore. If Dumbledore told him to jump off a cliff, he would do it.
“He’s been like that for ages – like I said with Lily he wouldn’t take little effort from her. It’s… actually really interesting how everything turned out – he didn’t seem to care too much who you are, if you don’t put effort into everything, even that which you didn’t like, he’d not like you. If you ran away and said something was stupid without even trying it, he’d lose what little respect you had before. All this is to say, he tries really hard, he never gives less than 100% in anything he does.” Remus nodded.
Hey, good thing. He could think of something good about Severus. There were so many bad things. Hatred. Anger. Snogging his sister…
Remus, it’s times like this you need to just shut off that imagination of yours. Because these images in your head of those two together in the dungeons were not helping at all. But he couldn’t help it because it frustrated him so much. In a way… he was jealous of Severus – not because he wanted to get with his sister that way, because ew no. But because Severus had someone who loved him like that – and while there was Dora, he really didn’t believe she cared about him like that.
“As… long as you’re truly happy with him, I’ll be happy for you, even if… there will be a part of me that isn’t quite happy with the fact my little sister is snogging Severus Snape.” Good thing they were alone. Someone who heard that statement would be extremely confused. “Quite honestly that part of me would be unhappy with you snogging anyone.”
A little startled, Remus looked to her, and then down at their hands. Why was she…? Wouldn’t it be so much easier if he was just gone? She was too young to really understand – that was also partly why he stopped writing to make this easier for her, to make it easier for her to accept the fact her life was easier without him. Because he was nothing but a burden. Oh right. Sorry Amelie. He was trying to get better at this whole thing…
“Hey, hey its alright, I –“ He paused, furrowing his brow, “There’s so many people who care about me, and its hard to believe it – even though I’ve known all of them for more than half my life – James, Lily, Sirius, Peter, you. All of you give me a reason to keep pushing on. To – To hold on. It hurts. A lot.” He points to his head with his free hand. “All the stuff in here. But you help it. You’re all like a nice big pepperup potion. You have no idea how unbelievably happy I am when I’m around you. When I’m alone – I – I get lost in my own head, and it’s a dark place to be alone. I don’t want to be alone, Rose.”
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Post by Rose Ameile Lupin on Sept 13, 2018 0:21:21 GMT
She smirked, shaking her head, giving a roll of her eyes. Yes, she... figured he would react in such a manner. For a moment, she vaguely wondered if there was something deeper than him just being overprotective, but she honestly couldn't fathom any other reason.
At least at the moment.
She smirks, "I guess he likes my tenacity then. Not to mention that I can hold my own when he tries to be witty. We've gotten into our fair share of verbal spars over the years. Respectfully, of course, though he did try to pull his usual insults against me being a Gryffindor, I wasn't standing for that. He found out that tactic didn't work on me what so over. But I give him more than my all. Everyday. Who knew he would be quite the motivator."
She gave a shrug. "Ah, protective big brother of mine. How I love you."
She sniffled, pulling away to turn watery eyes on him, her hands now gripping his robes. "You're not alone, Remus. You have me. You have Dora. You have James and Sirius and Lily. I know it's hard, because of what we are, to hold on to these relationships. Because you fear that at any moment they'll turn and abandon you, but, we won't. None of us will. Especially me.
And I know what you were thinking. I know the reason why you stopped writing. You thought it would be easier for me, that you being out of my life would just make everything better. But it doesn't. It's not like we're apart of a coven of wolves, Remus. This Pack is just you and me. We need to stick together. Lean on each other."
She exhaled, "though, I hope to maybe find others like us; who aren't blindly following Greyback just because he talks 'pretty'."
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